Making Wiener Schnitzel

I went out to B's parents house for a Wiener Schnitzel making lesson.

Traditionally it's made of veal, but we prefer pork. B's mom was using pork tenderloin, which she showed me how to cut in order to make it flat. I can't duplicate the instructions in writing---it's hard to explain how to transform a cylindrical piece of meat into a flat piece, but the butcher's shop will do it for you.

Here's basically how it goes. You need:

flour
breadcrumbs
a couple of eggs
veal or pork cutlet
salt
oil capable of taking high temperature or coconut oil or clarified butter

First, take a meat mallet and lightly tap the cutlets until they're about 1/2 or 3/4 inches thick. Lightly, I said---you're not Rocky Balboa slamming the shit out of a side of beef. Show some restraint.

Then lightly salt both sides of each cutlet.

In a frying pan put about 3/4 inch of oil. B's mom uses coconut oil. Let it get medium hot...on a scale of 1 - 10, about a 6. (As a side note, B's mom uses a pan that belonged to her grandmother and is literally about 100 years old. This is the exclusive schnitzel-making pan in her house, and it gives the flavor of the ages.)

You need three bowls. One for flour, one for a couple of beaten eggs, and one for fine bread crumbs.

First dip the cutlet into the flour, both sides. Then dip into the egg, both sides. Finally dip into the bread crumbs, both sides.

Then gently place the cutlets into the pan (hot grease, remember? No splashy-splashy.) They cook pretty quickly. After about a minute, check the color...when done, it should be a kind of golden brown. Flip the cutlet and do the other side. I'd say a minute and a half to two minutes MAX per side, depending on temperature of your pan, and thickness of the cutlets.

If you're just making a few schnitzels, you can cook them up and serve them immediately but if you're making a bunch, it's a good idea to heat the oven to about 200 F and put a dish in there. Put paper towels in the bottom to soak up excess oil, and as you cook each schnitzel put it in the oven to keep warm. Dab the tops with another paper towel and they won't be greasy.

Schnitzel cooking in a century-old pan. The one at bottom is almost done because it's the right color. Don't freak out over the dirty-looking stuff in the oil; it's just breadcrumb coating from previous schnitzels that fell off and are continuing to cook (burn.) Schnitzel if done right will be more or less uniform in color and definitely not burned anywhere.

Serve with a wedge of lemon and some potato salad. Or whatever.

It's not bad cold, either. We took some extra home and I ate it later with some Sambal Oelek, which is the Condiment of the Gods and no kitchen should be without it, praise its holy name. 

That modification is certainly not traditional Viennese cooking but hey---modify it as you will. Sprinkle some Parmesan cheese on it, add some spices you like, whatever.

----

My mom was hardly what feminists would describe as a liberated woman, but in her own way she was. When I was a young kid she insisted that I help her in the kitchen. At first I protested it was "women's work" but she told me: "If you like to eat, you need to learn to cook. There might not always be a woman around to cook for you and besides, the world's best chefs are men." (She was right about the first part. The jury is still out RE: the second part.) 

I pity men who can't or won't cook. These are the same bastards who fall apart when their woman (slave) dies or leaves them because they don't even know how to feed themselves. Inexcusable. Women, learn how to change oil in your car, and change flat tires. Men, learn how to do laundry and cook.

I really treasure all that time in the kitchen with my mom. I didn't like drying the dishes (no dishwashers back then, at least not in our house----we were the dishwashers) or peeling potatoes but it was fun learning from Mom. I got that same feeling today with B's mom, who was a very gentle and patient teacher.